I.

I still see the outline of your body

against the dark stillness in my room,

a tilt in your walk, the curve of your back.

I remember the breath of your voice,

the length of your hands, the feel of your sides,

the emotion I felt through your lips.

It would be unfair for me to say

I didn’t want to give you everything,

Man of my night,

Lover of my life,

Dreamer of my dreams.

II.

This is madness they say,

hurt gnawing away inside of me,

mascara laced trails streaming

down my squared cheeks,

subtle landmarks of missing memories.

We didn’t understand the cost,

or laid out plan, my mind

foregoing the possession of my body,

as a distant name rang forward.

I remember all the details,

the signs appearing sporadically

across the curves of my body.

Before, I had never known feminine

as I know her now.

Quiero todo,
bundled bright and bold
packaged lettering spread across
pages in the history of my life,
partly compiled of travels to unpaved lands
those that share fruit and saddle meat,
composed of a love that rarely occurs
the kind that leaves those unknowing
wishing for their pages, wishing to be a part
of a story written in between the lips of a kiss.
My life and who I am,
the wandering gypsy, the conservative,
the girl that boils laughter heard in loud rooms,
yet cries for broken hearts and unmet appointments.
Quiero todo, the glory, the failures,
the survival of a strength made of faith,
made from red clay of this earth,
by my God that loved me regardless of my
unpredictability, laughed when I fell,
bruised and bleeding, He bandaged my worst wounds
reminded me of His steadfast love.
Quiero todo, the family, the mess, the madness
of chasing dreams, of teaching another the way, the
only way I have found for myself,
how I opened the doors of my soul,
became enamored
with life and love and the uncovering of truth,
the fields of Kansas the plastic found in California,
the meaning of holding hands,
the knowledge that pain brings healing,
the solution of tying one’s shoes
Quiero todo, tied in a bow, put beneath a tree,
cared for and unopened until time,
asks for my story.

(I wrote this poem about three years ago. It has been on my mind lately and I wanted to share it again.)

Your name written in italics,
hidden from view, the light of their weight
bears down on my chest, and I am
inundated by your
warmth and mellowed security.
I walk with you in darkened silence, my life
gently careening into yours.
For you I am soft, smiling easy I open
in your hands, against your strength.
Clothes cover the carpeted floor,
earrings and eyes line the counter, yet
we feign rest or sleep, cradled in words,
lips of color and tint,
unburdened by the passing world outside.
I am all temperature and silken flowers
strung along, tied to your side.
I need for you to know, my love,
that for you, I am falling, and life
couldn’t be any simpler.

I am timid and
I am over-sensitive
I am a lioness
I am tired and defensive,
You take me in your arms and I fold into you
I have insecurities
You show me I am beautiful
Love me or leave me
Just take it or leave it
It’s not that I’m needed just need you to see me
Take me
Free me
See thru to the core of me
Take me
Free me
There will be no more pretending
I am temperamental and
I have imperfections and
I am emotional
I am unpredictable
I am naked
I am vulnerable
I am a woman
I am opening up to you
Love me or leave me
Just take it or leave it
It’s not that I’m needed just need you to see me
Take me
Free me
See thru to the core of me
Take me
Free me
There will be no more pretending
Now I stand before you with my heart in my hands
I’m asking you to take me just the way that I am
Please lay down your arms
Do you know me
Make me feel safe from harm
Take me
Free me
See thru to the core of me
Take me
Free me
There will be no more pretending
I am temperamental and
I have imperfections and
I am emotional
There will be no more pretending
(Lyrics by Christina Aguilera)