On a personal level, my life has been pretty confusing for a very long time now. I feel like I have been walking in a bit of a daze-going through the motions, but not really making decisions.
My step-father always told me to Act instead of Re-act in life. I always loved it when he said that because I often believed that I was Acting and I was. I have never been much of a sitter, but the past year or two of my life have definitely not been a large time for Acting-I was mostly Re-Acting.
All those capital letters can be painful to read so I will get to the point. It is just that I woke up, am waking up, and I feel great. The past two weeks I have made a bad decision or two but I have also made some excellent decisions and I think that is what life is about.
I woke up and have been wearing my emotions brightly. I have shown sadness and hurt, excitement and disappointment, but I am back to putting it all out there regardless of its consequences. See, all this mumbo jumbo may not make sense but I was playing it safe. I have been living in the comfortable and accepting less and although I have still been making some incredible strides in my life-there is a lot more of Ahna underneath the surface just waiting to burst out.
I am ready to move on, to leave behind my old skin and embrace a new and somewhat scary world. I have been spending quite a bit of time contemplating my life, ambitions and I want much more.
I know that if I focus there is no stopping me, I know that if I let my strength and fearlessness once again take over that I will only continue reaching higher and allowing myself to be more vulnerable-in a good way.
To be vulnerable is to be human and to love yourself even when you see the human flaws. You can’t let them stop you-you must keep going. I have a million flaws and have to try to love myself every day, but I won’t stop-ever.
We have one life to live, one life to be the people we want to be, accomplish the goals we want to accomplish and I will be hot damned if I let myself reside in “comfortable” again. I want more and I am going to get it!
