It took me a few days to decide whether or not I was going to write about the stress I have been under-but I feel like that is only fair and that I must be true to my blog.
I almost lost my license plate for 30 days. I had a previous lapse of insurance when I first moved here. I got caught up in the dramas of moving to a brand new place and honestly had no clue it would ever lead to this. I had regained coverage, then received a letter, scheduled a hearing, and finally waited and waited for the letter that never came. It took so long I forgot to call and remind them, or ask them if everything was okay….and then I got the letter saying I had no choice but to turn in my tags.
I called and cried-but they didn’t care. They said it was my responsibility-and it was but I never got the letter either.
During this week I was lost, still am really. Here I am in a place that is still foreign and distant to me and my only connection to that world was to be cut. Not to mention my Reporting class which has me responsible for being in everyone’s face at all hours of the day-going here going there.
I was frozen frightened. I mean, it’s cold right now-it’s not the summer when I could walk, ride a bike, learn to deal with the buses that never arrive on time-but it’s the cold cold winter. What about my errands, my groceries, my clothes cleaning?
Thanks to my mother and my step-father I am still driving my car. My step-father was able to get a hold of some wonderful woman named Billy Jo in the DMV who actually listened to the story when he called. The woman I had spoke to had remained quiet, making me think she cared while I cried and talked but in fact she was just typing away. I had not believed there was any chance.
But I have to say: I was doing really fabulous up until this point. I had been juggling the crazy school work load, the editorial meetings/writing and regular life pretty good. Now all my balls are on the floor and I don’t know how to pick them up.
I am looking at them, standing over them but am baffled as what to do. I am still petrified that everything I am working for is just going to continue falling apart. My landlord will sell her house, my old car will finally realize she is old, or my teeth that I have neglected will begin screaming. It could all be a game changer at this point in time-and that makes me feel awfully powerless.
My Reporting class is getting to be difficult because I didn’t choose a “beat” that was easy or established-I chose something brand new and finding news before the News finds it is really tough.
My regular classes were completed tossed aside for mid-class mind wanderings during that time frame and I am now getting back all the poor grades which makes me feel even worse. It’s hard not to daydream about life without a car-when my grades and financial aid are riding on it, not to mention my actual life…the one I swear I will live again after school.
My frame of mind was in such a mumble that I got sick (which I rarely do) and even lost my voice. I couldn’t sleep and am still having awful dreams.
So what do I do? I have no idea. I have someone to talk to-someone who knows how to deal with people like me who think faster than they talk/write and who by nature feel every emotion too much. But I got a ticket for parking there too.
I need to shake it off. I need to wake up and regain my strength, regain my oomph, take back my lust for the news, but I am finding it so tough right now.
In times like these I have learned to ride the wave, but right now I can’t afford to do that….I don’t have time.
